TGO July 08

TGO - Tremendous Growth Opportunities

july 2008

by Judy Ann Michael, MBA

UNCONSCIOUS WRITING - UPDATE

Last month I wrote about an adventure I was pursuing with my friend Judy Myers Anderson. We decided to write a fiction story together, where one of us would write a few paragraphs and email it to the other Judy to add more text. I was short on time to write this month, and asked her to write a TGO article for me based on our experience. So here’s to my dear friend and contributing columnist, the Other Judy.

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Last month in her TGO, Judy told you about a little writing project that she and I were engaged in, composing a piece of fiction that was all too reflective of our realities and fantasies. We finished last week with 185 pages of an intriguing story, a lot of fun and as Judy called it ‘cheap therapy.’

The experience gave my creative energies, how would I phrase this? -- a jump start? an electric shock from a defibrilator? a taser shot? The writing process reawakened something in me that I hadn't felt for years, lifting my spirits and my energy. I told Judy in a backhanded way that I was extraordinarily grateful to her for insisting on regular forward progress and for pushing me farther than anyone had for a very long time.

My psychiatrist (who did actually help me solve a problem in the story, but Judy scolded me for getting professional help with plot development) has forced me to recognize that I may need a shove now and then to cross the line of self-defense. This may involve admitting that I do feel emotions, that my control issues may be holding me back, that I need to overcome some self-imposed boundaries. (If you read our story, this paragraph alone would show you how much of ourselves we transferred over to fictional characters!)

The unexpected twist in the story was that by the end our two main characters had exchanged their roles. I don’t expect to trade my life for Judy’s, but this project has been an adventure in personal examination and growth, and working together became not just just-for-fun excursion as Judy called it, but a very rewarding challenge. And fortunately, she’s not through pushing; her assignment to me this morning was to write the beginning of the next installment of our characters lives!

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We started book two today. After some editing, book one will be on a website, that is currently in development, named for the two main characters, Lexi and Kate. I will let you know when the first book is ready to read at www.LexiandKate.com .

PS – I do know of two other women who took up this challenge, and are having fun writing their own fiction novel between Washington and Indiana. You might try finding your own writing partner, or someone who can help you ignite your own passion!

TURNING POINTS

I was speaking to one of my friends the other day about some recent turn of

events that have put her in a very happy place. A new relationship and a career

boost came from an unexpected series of events and created a great new life for

her. She was surprised by these turning points, and I related to her my

thoughts on the subject.

For me, turning points seem to be anything but that. Usually, it is very subtle

Situation that I never would have guessed would have made an impact upon me.

The first example was when I first moved to Washington, I had been in my

apartment for about 15 seconds before my dog got loose, shortly after an 800 mile trip from California. I was panicked beyond belief, shouting his name, and an older woman hollered back that she found him. That's how I met Marsha, my Jewish Mother, and we stayed friends from that moment until her death. Shortly thereafter, I met my former neighbor, Terrie, while talking about dog wash facilities, found that we both used to live in Sacramento, and are friends 7 years later.

I met my friend Judy Myers Anderson, in graduate school. She was sitting at

table with information for Graduate Women in Business association. We started chatting. We found out that we lived in the same dumpy apartment complex by the mall, a block away from the second rate putt-putt miniature golf course. Neither one of us can remember what happened after meeting at that information table, but a week later we were constantly at each other's apartments, eating each other's food, and sharing our lives like sisters. That was 21 years ago.

I met the first man I had a relationship with, whom had a big impact on my life for many years, through work. He yelled at me and didn't want me, a girl, on his team. A few weeks later, he couldn't take his eyes off of me. Years later, I met my ex-husband when I called him at 7am on a Sunday morning, since he was the new supervisor I was told to call. I yelled at him for not delivering our goods on time. We finally met face to face two weeks later, and two months later we were engaged.

I hope to have a more positive start with the man who is my next partner....

Back in 2005, I had an interview with two lovely women, Daphne and Louise, which was a little unusual since it involved me staring into a small cell phone for most of the interview, but ended up in me getting a job. It's three years later, and we no longer work together, but are good friends and involved in each others' lives. In that same job, I connected with other people who are still friends to this day. Who knew that a chance meeting through working would end up in terrific and lasting friendships?

When I think of a "turning point", I think of the movies, where the music swells

in the background, eye contact is deep and meaningful, and you just....KNOW....that an important event has occurred. That rarely seems to happen to me.

Well maybe....twice.

I met a guy once. I have to admit that for some reason, time did stand still,

and the background got a little fuzzy. That was a definite movie-moment, of

someone who was an important person in my life, if even for a short time.

And when I met my friend Johanna, I was eating carrot chips at a Psychic Fair

where she and I were both "performing". My mouth was full, and she came up to me and said, "I really wanted to meet you....". I think I left my mouth open,

carrots and all, as time froze for a moment and I could not speak. After I regained my senses, we sat in a corner and talked for two hours straight. She has been my friend ever since, despite that first impression.

And just after I spoke about this, the next day I was in a meeting where I could

feel a turning point, or at least the beginning of one. I was in a meeting that turned rather tense. It became very apparent to me that an objective decision was not going to be made, but a decision based on old alliances and dysfunctional attachments that created serious financial and legal risk. The next two days included meetings where people defended the way they think, and how they make decisions, but I just don’t agree. I can’t drink the Kool-aid on this one….

And because of those turning point events, I discovered that I will most likely be unable to be successful in my job, despite my best efforts. I was mad about what had happened, but I saw choices made by others that would dramatically and negatively impact my career, and I was going to have to make a decision about what to do.

So I might have a new job soon. Yes, another one. We shall see. I seem to change jobs during August for each of the last 3 years, another month full of turning points for me.

The reason I bring this up is that I think it is important to acknowledge the little, and big moments in our lives, because we never know what they may turn into. For me, the little moments have turned into events and lifelong impressions, some of which were hard lessons, and some of which were treasures.

MORE ON SINGLEHOOD

When I was growing up, I loved to watch The Dick Van Dyke show, and had memorized most of the episodes, and loved the two main characters, Rob and Laura Petrie. So when the Mary Tyler Moore show came on, right before the Carol Burnett Show, I was glued to the television. I loved watching these wonderful, funny women do what they loved to do in front of an audience that cheered for them. It was during a time, the early 1970’s, where life was changing dramatically for women and the roles they played. I am glad for these women who paved a way so that we could have so many more choices today.

Despite the freedom I have as an independent 46 year old healthy and intelligent woman in America, I recently found that I harbored some old fashioned ideas that, well, may not come to fruition. Despite my desire for freedom, there is a part of me that thinks a traditional marriage would be better – a house, a husband, a dog, and a nice neighborhood. I think these pictures got shown to us WAY before the sub-prime mortgage fiasco or $4.25/gal gas.

I am finding that I am having to surrender some of my old paradigms that I didn’t know I had. I don’t know if that house and husband thing is going to materialize, and the dog died a few months ago.

For the last 10 years, I have looked at successful women and female friends in their late 40’s and 50’s as – kind of – role models. But now that I am there myself, part of me is proud of what I have accomplished, and part of me has to give up on some old dreams that may not happen. In this day and age, we have to develop our own safety net of money, home, friends and such, and can’t rely on the old picture of a man to provide that for us. (Unless some rich millionaire shows up on my doorstep tomorrow, offering me a Tiffany Diamond – and even then I would be a bit suspect.). I think it is a somewhat harder life NOT to have a partner, even though there is freedom to it. The Negative: All the decisions, financial issues, and chores are for you to figure out if you are single. The Positive: All the decisions, financial issues, and chores are also there for you to figure out if you are single.

I like who I have become. I’m just not who I DREAMED I would become. It’s been harder than I thought, but also more rewarding than I could have dreamed.

Stay tuned for more notes from the Single Woman.

For 6 past issues of TGO, please visit www.JudyAnnMichael.com