TGO -
Tremendous Growth Opportunities
june 2008
by Judy Ann
Michael, MBA
Copyright
2008 - All Rights Reserved
UNCONSCIOUS WRITING
Sometimes, right before I go
to sleep or just when I wake up in the morning, I am struck with an instant
realization. It must have been
something I was unaware of, because the ah-ha usually takes me by surprise and
is something I have not thought of before. But I pay attention to it because it’s usually a good idea.
One night, just before I
turned out the light to go to bed, I thought about writing a fiction story, but
with a twist. The idea was to
write a paragraph, email it to my friend JMA in Florida, have her write the
next paragraph, and then email it back to me, and continue back and forth until
we had a story. Let’s just say
that one paragraph for each of us soon turned in to 1 page, then 5-6 pages, to
the point we are at the 80 page mark after almost 4 weeks of writing.
I enjoy writing fiction, I
just don’t do a lot of it. I can
get lost in a different world, have conversations, go places, and totally use
my imagination. But when you have
another person participating, it challenges you. New characters and plot twists enter in that you weren’t
anticipating, forcing you to deal directly with the unknown.
This work took on an entirely
different intention than a just-for-fun excursion. I let my friend start the novel, and she created two
characters that, conveniently, represented the two of us. One friend in Seattle, the other in
Florida, with 20 years of history together, most of it being a continent away
from each other. There’s an old
adage, “write what you know”, so that’s what we did, with a fiction twist to
our lives.
For both of us, we’ve found
that this exercise was something we could look forward to every other day or
so, allowing us to let our imagination loose in a trusted environment. It’s one thing to keep a diary, but
another thing to let that diary come to life through a character. For me, I have found that there were
events and issues in my subconscious that came to the surface, and I could
write them out, right there on my computer screen. I honestly had no idea they were there until a character
jumped out, or had a conversation, saying things that I had always wanted to
verbalize, but never had the chance to do so. And I found my friend doing the
same thing, challenging her to write about things she wouldn’t dare say in
conversation, revealing a side to her that I have not seen in the 20 years I
have known her. And the best thing
I’ve noticed is her laugh. When we
call to chat about our project, I hear a deep joy from her that I have not
heard in years.
For me, I got a chance to
create a character that could be angry, snippy, funny, concerned, focused,
light-hearted or cranky, depending on her mood. She dealt with people from her present in a powerful way,
and put the people from her past finally to rest.
It’s been great. It’s a creative outlet where someone I
trust can throw me a curve ball, and I can throw one right back, knowing it is
a challenge and not an offense. I
can write down how I would like things to happen, without getting judgment from
the reader.
If writing is something that
interests you, I would encourage you to choose a trusted friend or partner and
let your imagination loose. It
might be a diary, poem, chick fiction or tawdry tale that opens up a part of
your brain you hadn’t anticipated.
I don’t think anyone but the
two of us will ever read this work, but you never know. In the meantime, I am having a lot of
fun, and getting a lot of cheap therapy in the process!
EMBRACING SINGLEHOOD
I was reading an article sometime last year by a woman who
was divorced, and who wanted to be in a relationship. Somewhere in there was a realization that if you wanted new
circumstances in your life, you really needed to appreciate the life you
already have. In her case, the
writer of the article realized that she needed to embrace and appreciate her
current circumstance of being divorced before she could move on to a new
relationship or life situation.
That phrase – “Embracing Singlehood” - stuck with
me. I started to look at my own
circumstances, and find out what I did and did not like about my lifestyle as a
middle aged, divorced female.
There are different times when it becomes more poignant than others, and
some of those occasions have come to the surface lately.
Living alone has a certain air of decision-making freedom
that I am starting to appreciate more and more. At first it was kind of scary because there were so many decisions
to make. Everything from how you
want to decorate, what kind of towels you like, what you want for dinner, and
what you like to watch on TV are entirely up to you. That might sound like a lot of fun, but if you were used to
compromising and receiving input from a spouse or family members, it can take a
while to get used to. And now that
my pooch is gone, I find I have more time and less responsibility. It took me about 2 months to figure out
that I could stay out past 6 pm because I did not have to be home to feed and
medicate him.. I don’t have to do
that now – and although I miss him, it’s kind of fun to do what I
want. I can stay out late, or go to
bed as early as I like (I get up at 4:30 am) and no one really cares. And when it comes to decision making, I
know what I like and what I don’t like, and I don’t need anyone’s opinion to
help me figure that out (unless of course I ask one of my girlfriends for a
second opinion, and then it’s okay).
There are some complications in living alone. One of the thoughts that come to mind
is “What if I die and no one finds me for 3 days?”. It’s an odd sort of thought to have in the back of your
mind, because you occasionally see it on the news, and I have found that no
matter if you are 30 or 85, and living alone, you still have that weirdness in
the back of your mind. But you
just kind of leave it there and keep on living.
The money thing is also kind of interesting. At first, it was scary being on my own
and feeling like I had no safety net.
But now that I have re-established a career, and am making investments,
adding insurance, etc., I feel like I got to establish a safety net for
myself. There is a certain feeling
of accomplishment in doing that, knowing that you have some (instead of no)
resources to back you up in case you need it. I know that sometimes we (women and men) look for a
financially stable mate that can provide that safety net . But building it for yourself feels
pretty good.
There is the sense that you have to do things alone. If you need to do any heavy lifting or
big projects, you are pretty much on your own. You either have to talk your friends into it or hire
people. But my girlfriend network
has been great. We have found that
we can rely on each other for help, as much as possible, because we are an
extended family, there to help one another. And if they can’t help, then there is always the Yellow
Pages. You find a way to make it work.
The mate thing is interesting. If you talk to middle aged, single or divorced women, they
have a very different perspective on what they want from a mate, perhaps
because of what they went through in previous relationships. I think my hairdresser summed it up the
best. She is 51, divorced,
interested in having a relationship, but likes her current lifestyle she’s
developed for herself and her teen aged daughter. “I would love to be married again…as long as we had
adjoining townhouses and he lived next door.” I think that sums it up for a number of women in my position
– I’d love to be in love, but I like my private space and freedom, and I
am not settling for someone with lower expectations than me.
I also had a number of questions regarding the definition
of “home”. I recently went back to
my hometown in Indiana, and enjoyed visiting with my dad and family
members. We did a lot of driving
through country roads to visit far off friends and relatives, and I reflected
upon the culture where I grew up.
Should I move back there? I
don’t think so. I wouldn’t have
become the person I am unless I had lived in Indiana –as well as
Illinois, Ohio, NYC, and California.
Indiana is my home from the past, and I appreciate it. I also appreciate Sacramento, another
former home for me with many friends.
But after my Indiana trip, I stopped into the Whole Foods market in
Seattle, and looked at the grunge-like, tattooed twenty-somethings, the
environmentally aware, cotton & fleece wearing middle-agers, and a 60-ish,
magenta haired lesbian couple, and realized that somewhere in this weirdness, I
was at home. I later read a quote
that said, “Home is where they understand you”, and I would have to agree. I am at home.
And my home for that last 6 years has been an
apartment. For some reason, I
found I have been somewhat embarrassed about the fact that I did not own a
home, and I guess I did not appreciate it. But as I look outside at the forest out my back window, the
fact that I have no yard to maintain, but one to appreciate, and look at the
subprime mortgage issues (not too bad here in the NW though), I think I am
okay. I will probably move next
year, but for now, my home is pretty cozy, low maintenance, cost effective, and
suits me well.
I think I am turning a corner in embracing what I
have. Freedom in space, decisions,
time and finances is something that I have built and appreciate. As we look around the world today and
see the travesties that are out there, it is even more important that we
appreciate our circumstances, whatever they might be, because they are the
stepping stone to something we might like even better.
For 6 past issues of TGO, please
visit www.JudyAnnMichael.com
